Water.

 ^{Genesis 21:14-21
14} So Abraham rose early in the morning, and took bread and a skin of water, and gave it to Hagar, putting it on her shoulder, along with the child, and sent her away. And she departed, and wandered about in the wilderness of Beer-sheba.
¹⁵ When the water in the skin was gone, she cast the child under one of the bushes. ¹⁶ Then she went and sat down opposite him a good way off, about the distance of a bowshot; for she said, “Do not let me look on the death of the child.” And as she sat opposite him, she lifted up her voice and wept. ¹⁷ And God heard the voice of the boy; and the angel of God called to Hagar from heaven, and said to her, “What troubles you, Hagar? Do not be afraid; for God has heard the voice of the boy where he is. ¹⁸ Come, lift up the boy and hold him fast with your hand, for I will make a great nation of him.” ¹⁹ Then God opened her eyes and she saw a well of water. She went, and filled the skin with water, and gave the boy a drink.
²⁰ God was with the boy, and he grew up; he lived in the wilderness, and became an expert with the bow. ²¹ He lived in the wilderness of Paran; and his mother got a wife for him from the land of Egypt.

This is one of the scriptures that was read in church yesterday.  It's a tough passage because we love Sarah.  She's the picture of perfect hospitality.  We relate to her skepticism when she laughs over God promising to fulfill her desire.  But the ugly, green-eyed monster can trip the best of us.  

So the dream I had last night was that I had stopped by a gym that I was curious about.  I told the person working there that I was interested in learning more and she told me the best way to do it would be to take a trial class.  I told her I wasn't prepared for it, that I wasn't wearing the proper clothes but she said it was ok.  It was some sort of stationary bike that you kind of reclined on.  And then it occurred to me that I was thirsty and I didn't have my water bottle with me.  So I went in search of water.  I found myself in a kitchen.  I started searching through the cabinets for a water bottle.  I found several coffee mugs and cups but nothing big enough to get me through an entire workout without needing to refill.  In my pacing back and forth in the kitchen, looking for a large bottle, I kept having to step around something in my way.  My boss came walking into the kitchen with an entourage and sat down on a high backed bar stool.  He said "we need to talk".  I told him I didn't have time for that because I needed to find a water bottle.  He hung his head and shook it and said "this is why we need to talk.  What have you been stepping over?" I looked over and realized the "thing" in my way was a pallet of bottles of water. I woke up and sat straight up in my bed.

Was it about working out?  Probably not.  Was it about water?  Probably not.  Do I have any idea what it was about?  Not a clue.  But at least I was paying attention in church yesterday.

Take It Easy

I just finished my first Sunday morning at Trinity.  The congregation has mostly gone and I have changed out of my flashy red heels (Happy Pentecost!) and back into my flip flops.  Pandora is playing "Take It Easy" by the Eagles and I am taking a moment to soak it all up.

Being able to participate in corporate worship is something I didn't realize I missed but dang I really did.  The simple act of pulling out a hymnal and singing with others is so comforting.  Trinity has been so welcoming and warm.  I can't even begin to describe how thankful I am to those who have taken me under their wings this week and shown me the ropes.  I can't believe how dang blessed I am to be here.  I literally had to come sit in my office for a minute after service to sit and revel in it, even for just a minute.

I got a bit of trial by fire.  The person who was slated to teach Sunday School had to call out and so 30 minutes before Sunday school was to start, I began looking at a lesson plan I had never seen before.  It went significantly better than the previous 2 times this happened to me (at other churches).  The kids are in love with my stuffed animals (as they should be).  Because George Peter (Pete the Primate) and Ham the Lamb are amazing.  And I am head over heels in love with the kids and the congregation (and the staff too).

So in these few quiet moments before life gets super hectic, I pause to give thanks for all the events and people that led me here, I give thanks for the opportunity I've been given.

But for the rest of the day I'm gonna take it easy.

Dust

We all know that what is learned in seminary can fill volumes of books.  We also know that what is not taught in seminary can fill many more tomes.  One of the things they drill into our heads in just about every class is that "ministry does not happen in a vacuum".  There is no clean slate.  No one gets to start at the beginning.  Even if it's a new church or a church plant, things have been happening weeks, months, and hopefully even years before you get on the scene.  Even the most practical of classes sort of forgets that there is ministry happening before we arrive.  And so this week I took what I learned at Wesley, I took the things I learned at Aldersgate, packed a few belongings and I headed for Trinity.

Trinity has a rich history.  It was founded in 1774.  You can read all about it on their website.  But I digress.  Trinity has a history for me too.  My first clergy learning partner grew up in this church.  There have been a few folks I have recognized because I used to fill their prescriptions.  But don't worry, I don't violate HIPAA and I will never tell who. :)  But even closer to "home", the former intern at my home church had this office.  Prior to arriving on Tuesday I had not seen what the office would look like.  I just knew a few folks that had it before me.  I was expecting a "hospital sterile" office.  But that is not what I got.  I got an office full of stuff.  There are old newsletters from the 70s.  There are cookbooks.  There are tshirts.  There are a lot of scissors.  There is glitter glue.  There are a lot of Bibles (probably a good thing).  There is an unopened Bobby McFerrin cd (which will be opened soon).  There is an Easter bunny costume for God knows what reason.  And there is a lot of dust.  

But I admit I am simultaneously disgusted and delighted by the dust and the random assortment of various things in here.  Including a dirty fork.  It is/ was a very tangible reminder that someone sat in here before me.  This job is not happening in a vacuum.  There is no clean slate.  And in time I will bring my own dirt and dust.  And a lot of coffee.  And an extremely large primate.  But for now I will savor these fleeting quiet moments in my office reflecting on those that have come before me and thanking God for their wisdom.  

But...

I have a mom.  But I am not sure for how much longer.
I have a mom.  But her memory is failing rapidly.
I have a mom.  But I wonder if her failing memory is her punishment.
I have a mom.  But my childhood was not great.
I have a mom.  But I still feel a sting when my friends go get pedicures with their moms.
I have a mom.  But that same sting happens when moms show up and cheer their kids on.
I have a mom.  But I still feel a sting when moms go dress shopping with their daughters.
I have a mom.  But she beat me and left me on my knees in the driveway begging her not to leave.
I have a mom.  But I attempted suicide after she left.
I have a mom.  But my brother took me prom dress shopping.
I have a mom.  But I can't pretend it has been easy.
I have a mom.  But therapy, writing, and moving has helped.
I have a mom.  But I can't help but think her ability to forget those memories is my punishment.
I have a mom.  But I can't forget the fear, the trauma, the bruises, the screaming, the anxiety, the uncertainty she inflicted.
But she can.  And she did.