Sunday, June 26, 2016

Can I Ask You A Personal Question?

I hate summer.  It's like communism.  Good in theory, horrible in practice.  Sure, I am excited that my hair stops being static-y and that baseball is back but then there's the humidity.  One coat of deodorant is not enough and I constantly want to wash my face.  The air conditioning at work is hit or miss but I am a firm believer that it is better to be cold than hot.  If I am cold, I can put on more layers.  If I am hot, there is only so much I can remove before it becomes obscene.  Which, actually, brings me to today's story.

I was at work this week.  For those who don't know or forgot, I work in a pharmacy.  A lady came to drop off a prescription.  She kind of looks around and says, "can I ask you a question"?  I replied, "of course!" She looks a little sheepish and says "it's sort of a personal question".  I get those all the time.  Especially this time of year.  I am the only female in the pharmacy so all of the "feminine care" questions come to me.  I am expecting something about preventing yeast infections or something about sweat "down there".  Yup.  It happens.  Anyway, apparently she wasn't talking about personal for her, she meant personal for me.  "Do you have problems with your legs?"  I was caught off guard.  "What do you mean?" "Well I noticed you are a... big girl... and you are on your feet a lot.  Do you have any problems with your legs hurting or varicose veins?"  

My internal monologue was racing.  But I chose to take the high road and tell her the truth.  "Nope.  I've been in this business for 13 years and I don't have one varicose vein."  Her face dropped.  "I've got varicose veins and I am too ashamed to show my legs in public.  I just see you're wearing something shorter and I thought how nice it is that you don't feel the need to hide your legs.  It's nice that you don't care what other people think and that you wear what you are comfortable in."  Ok see that's when she crossed the line.  But I am going to put a marker there and tell you my response to her in a minute.  But two other incidents happened yesterday that caused me to write about this.

Sitting in Weight Watchers yesterday and my super upbeat meeting leader always asks us what we are celebrating this week.  It can be something involving the scale (like me losing 2.2 lbs despite being at Conference last weekend and having the diet of an unsupervised child at a birthday party) but it can also be "I said no to working on my day off". (Yea that happened too).  A woman raised her hand.  She's got to be 75-100 lbs lighter than me.  She's a person that if you saw her on a street corner, you would never guess she ever came to Weight Watchers.  But I know better than to "skinny shame" anyone.  I don't know her struggle.  But she raised her hand and said "I wore shorts in public for the first time in... I can't remember".  She told her story of the shame she felt in wearing shorts.  And then another girl spoke up.  Not that either of these two girls' body types matter but she was at least 50-75 lbs lighter than me.  "I bought a crop top and I had the guts to wear it in public.  I wore it with a high waisted skirt so it wasn't like my skin was exposed but I still got the guts to wear it".  These girls made my heart ache.

Listen.  Going back to the woman who asked me "a personal question", I do actually care a lot about what people think.  Being a future pastor and knowing that I can get denied ordination for what I look like (no, I'm not kidding about that), I do care about how I present myself.  But I will tell you exactly what I told Miss Nosy-pants.  I told her "it's hot.  And I am fat..." she immediately jumped in "no, I didn't meant to call you..." I cut her off.  "No, it's ok.  I am fat.  And it's hot out.  And I will be damned if I am going to let someone else's standards of beauty limit what I wear".  "That's a great attitude..." I cut her off again.  "I'm not done.  I am so tired of people feeling like they have to cover themselves up to please other people.  I am overweight.  I am fat.  I have fat legs.  I have fat arms.  That is not a surprise to anyone.  What would be surprising is if I had super thin arms and legs.  But it is too damn hot to be worried if my fat appendages offend someone".  She made a comment about how she wishes she could have my attitude and then left.  I am not really sure whether that was to be a compliment or an insult but in any event, I chose to take it as a compliment.  

I've never seen myself as a champion for body positivity but I have heard WAY too many overweight girls (understanding that not everyone embraces the word "fat" like I do) say "I can't wear that.  I'm too fat" And I have heard WAY too many thin girls say they hate their arms and legs because they are "too bony" and that they can't wear shorts or skirts because their legs "look like sticks".  And frankly, I have had it.  I grew up in a household where I was told (among other things) that I couldn't wear jeans because "fat people don't look good in them".  I couldn't have specific toys because I was "too big".  Ok, that may have been a little legit but I am tired of being told I "can't" or "shouldn't" wear something because of my size.  Be comfortable.  Be who you are.  Wear what you want.  Because it is too damn hot to worry about someone else's standard of beauty.

So as we head into the dog days of summer, let's all make a pact to not judge other people's clothes.  Unless it supports Donald Trump.  Then judge away.

Carry on.

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